BREAKUP SYMPHONY

Prelude

Once upon the year 2008, iChiken and CLAR5LAW fell madly in love. Sure, the odds were not in their favor; one was from 5C, and the other, 5N. Pre-war walls stood between them, always threatening to intercept their signals.  But amor vincit pre-war walls.  Moreover, the triumphant union of CLAR5LAW and iChiken gave rise to an era of unprecedented harmony among the kingdoms of Floor 5.  A real Ferdinand and Isabella, these two.  Like any couple, they did have their conflicts from time to time. But, with the help of trained specialists, they brushed these marital woes under the rug and tried to forget them. (Actually, the problems came crashing down into the kingdom of Floor 4, where they remain in Stephanie Rose's apartment to the present day.) 

I. Allegro con brio

The year is 2013, and iChiken is asking herself what the hell happened. Things used to be good. She and CLAR5LAW used to have such a strong connection. But now, CLAR5LAW will disappear, without notice, for days on end.

 

                    iChiken takes stock of her home life, realizes it's pure shit
  
The troubled hen begins to ask herself some tough questions. What if CLAR5LAW simply doesn't long to connect with her anymore? Is it the microwave that's stands between them? What would a MacBook Pro do in this situation?

"I don't know anything because I'm a chicken!"

  
   
Now, iChiken is in need of good advice. Girl needs a pep talk. She needs to be told things like, "You go, girl" and "He's not worth it" and "You do you". So, she makes a long-distance call to her cousin Kimberly in Cupertino. A MacBook Air, Kimmy is super trendy and really knows how to attract a wireless signal without ever having to beg for it. She is constantly on some juice fast or other, because, in her own words, "there's no such thing as vanity sizing when it comes to envelopes."

 

II. Lacrimoso

To iChiken's dismay, Kimberly doesn't pick up the phone. iChiken lets out a row of frustrated clucks while pacing in circles.

"Why did the chicken walk a lonely road?"

Just when it seems things can't get any worse, Uncle iBook calls iChiken with the horrific news that cousin Kimberly has drowned in her own juice cleanse; funeral arrangements are in the works.

 

 

III. Lento allargando: the little hengine that could

The tragic death of Kimberly forces iChiken to come to terms with her own mortality. She resolves that she must take action to save her marriage, and, if all else fails, to leave CLAR5LAW.

Gilgamish bitterly wept for his comrade, (for) Enkidu, ranging
Over the desert: "I, too—shall I not die like Enkidu also?
Sorrow hath enter’d my heart; I fear death as I range o’er the desert,
I will get hence on the road to the presence of Uta-Napishtim,

—Offspring of Ubara-Tutu is he—and with speed will I travel.
(If) ’tis in darkness that I shall arrive at the Gates of the Mountains,
Meeting with lions, then terror fall on me, I'll lift my head (skywards),
Offer my prayer to the Moon-god, (or else) to . . the gods let my orison
Come . . . 'O deliver me!'"

Like the noblest of heroines, iChiken hacks CLAR5LAW's personal email account in hopes of uncovering the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Lo and behold...

CLAR5LAW has been fingering other ladies! iChiken is heartbroken - not only as a lover, but also as a chicken. (Bear in mind that fingers are a sore subject for any self-respecting chicken.) 

After half a decade of suffering CLAR5LAW's abusive neglect, iChiken finally puts her foot down and bails on CLAR5LAW: 

Tue Jul 16 18:53:33.412 <airportd[650]> _doAutoJoin: Already associated to "CLAR5LAW". Bailing on auto-join.

The writings on the network diagnostics. 

To Be Continued...