Birth Announcement: Tabitha the Tablet

me: TABLET SAYS HELLO

  TABLET SAYS HELLO

 Alex: OMG

5:23 PM HELLO TABLET

  HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE YOU TABLET?

  IN THE HANDS OF SUCH A LOVING, CARING, CAPABLE MOMMY DEAREST??

 me: !!!!!!!!!!

  SO HAPPY TO BE ALIVE

 Alex: WELCOME TO THE WORLD BB

 me: OLD MOMMY WAS WEIRD

 Alex: things to catch up on tabby:

 me: THX DD

5:24 PM ...

 Alex: 1) Beyonce is the queen of all the lands. This was declared last night, when 50 or so men with severe brain injuries threw an animal carcass in her honor, and for her attention

5:25 PM 2) you live in new york city, which was the greatest city in the world to come to as a young adult, but now is the greatest city in the world for people who can afford $20 cocktails and $100 cocaine

  2.1) you are lucky that you have a mommy who both lives in new york city, land of the $100 cocaine, and will not be pouring said cocaine on your fresh skin

5:26 PM 3) you have a sister who is mentally deficient. her name is iChicken, and she was dropped as a baby, and a toddler, and a full grown adult, by your mommy. mommy learned her lesson though, and your bright future is the result of those lessons. dont hold it over your sister - instead, love her more, for her shortcomings are surely for your benefit

5:27 PM that is all for now; if you have additional questions, my email isangriepymy@petard.com

  HMU whenever lil nephew